Ed Answers Abby's Mail

The World Of The Schmenx

Ed Answers Abby's Mail

Edward answers Abby's mail with practical answers. Edward quite often has a different opinion than Abby and is not afraid to share it!

DEAR ABBY: My father died a few months ago. Mother is suffering and clearly distraught. They were married 44 years. I love my mom and want to help her, but she is constantly telling me how much "torturous pain" she's in. She has always had a martyr complex and has been needy, dependent and childlike. My mother is healthy and works full time, yet I can't help feeling she is somehow using Dad's death to manipulate me into filling her emotional needs and placing me in the role of parent. (I already have three young children.)

I have suggested to Mom that she go to a bereavement group or see an individual therapist. She heard me, but has done nothing about it. Is there anything else I can do? -- CONCERNED DAUGHTER IN NEW YORK

Abby Says:

DEAR CONCERNED: Yes. Take your mother by the hand to some bereavement group sessions. It will give both of you a chance to bring your issues out into the open. Also, if your mother's "pain" (translation: depression) does not begin to abate, inform her doctor. She may need anti-depressant medication to help her through this difficult period.

Ed Says:

I hate this Dr. Philization of the world. She is your mother. Your pop has only been dead a few months. She works full time...how much of a burden could she possibly be putting on you? You should be there for your mom, not send her off to talk with strangers. Take your dime store psychology and shove it. She's your mom. Do you know a mom without a martyr complex? Perhaps you might get her some help in a little bit, but in the meantime, just be there for her. Geez.

DEAR ABBY: I recently graduated from college and received "congrats" and small gifts from well-wishers, all of which I responded to with written thank-you notes -- with one exception: my father. He still attempts to carry on a father/daughter relationship, regardless of my feelings. Even though I made a decision years ago to cut off all contact with him, he sent me a graduation card with a large check enclosed.

Abby, throughout my childhood and teens, my father emotionally and physically abused my mother. After their divorce, he attempted to do the same to me. That's when I stopped communicating with him.

Mom thinks I should keep the money. I could really use it, but I honestly don't think it's right to keep it without sending a note of thanks. It's the last thing I want to do. Please give me your opinion. No name or location -- sign me ... GRAD TORN OVER DAD

Abby says:

DEAR GRAD: Return the money. Your father is trying to buy his way back into your life. If you allow it, the price YOU will pay for maintaining a relationship with your abusive father won't be worth any amount of money.

Ed says:

DEAR GRAD: Keep your number and address unlisted. Cash the check, you deserve it for taking his shit for so long. Perhaps you can use some of the money to hire someone to kick his ass. Abby, morals are great when you got lots of money like you, but this poor girl is broke. Really, take the money and run. Its probably a moot point anyway, because at least 72% of abusers checks bounce.

DEAR ABBY: I have been involved with "Christopher" for three years. Our relationship started out as an affair. Chris was married with two small children and lived two doors down from me. He ended up leaving his wife and kids for me -- causing pain for everyone.

Where is your sense of responsibility in the cheating? Hey Abby, I think Dr. Phil would say she needs to own that. Anyhow, your neighborhood is a freaking mess. I can see these little mullet wearing kids crying their eyes out because everyone in their lives is a sucka. First, I believe you should check yourself before you wreck yourself, then, realize that his ex played both of you, then move to another neighborhood and keep your dating to unmarried men outside your zip code. So, yes, dear, get rid of this chump pronto and get a life.

Dear Abby: My son is a junior in high school and dating Lynn, a senior. Theyve been going together nearly nine months. Lynn asked my son to go with her to the senior prom. How much of the cost should my son pay? He thinks he should pay for everything.

SO CAL MOM

Abby says: Your son shouldnt pay for everything. Even though he was invited, it would be appropriate for him to offer to pay half the cost.

Ed says: I think your son should pick up the tab at the Airport Hilton near LAX, I hear they have decent rates, a hot tub, and a solid continental breakfast, thats it. She should pay for the prom because shes older, unless your son is not a bright bulb and hes older, in which case they should split it. Give your son a few condoms mind your own business. She is a senior and probably going to college, do you think she is going to stick with your son who will still be in high school? She is going to be dating a guy from Sigma Chi named Chip within a fortnight of arriving in Westwood or Isla Vista. He could use that money to start an IRA or go to Sacramento to engage on a fact finding trip to learn how the California government works. Do you know who your senators are madame?

5/16/03
Dear Abby: My boyfriend recently gave me a beautiful engagement ring. It is custom designed. I like it, but I remember he mentioned hes had a ring designed for an old girlfriend but she had refused it. I think this is the same ring and that makes me uncomfortable. Should I ask him about it? NEEDS TO KNOW

Abby says: Ask. And if the answer is yes, let him know that you would prefer another setting. An engagement ring is supposed to be a symbol of his love for you and you alone.

Ed says: Quit your whining. You kind of look like his ex girlfriend, so should like the setting of this ring, thats logical right? These are tough economic times and your boyfriend just got laid off. If he does get it changed, then you should pay for it, you should pay for the whole ring anyway, well with the bullshit that he has to put up with. I am sure you use the fact that his ex dumped him in subtle little ways, torturing him and making him think that if he does not do things perfectly you are going to leave too. Just keep your mouth shut and appreciate the ring, you are lucky to get one.


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		Edward answers Abby's mail with practical answers. Edward quite often has a different opinion than Abby and is not afraid to share it!



		7/21/03 DEAR ABBY: My father died a few months ago. Mother is suffering and clearly distraught. They were married 44 years. I love my mom and want to help her, but she is constantly telling me how much "torturous pain" she's in. She has always had a martyr complex and has been needy, dependent and childlike. My mother is healthy and works full time, yet I can't help feeling she is somehow using Dad's death to manipulate me into filling her emotional needs and placing me in the role of parent. (I already have three young children.) I have suggested to Mom that she go to a bereavement group or see an individual therapist. She heard me, but has done nothing about it. Is there anything else I can do? -- CONCERNED DAUGHTER IN NEW YORK Abby Says: DEAR CONCERNED: Yes. Take your mother by the hand to some bereavement group sessions. It will give both of you a chance to bring your issues out into the open. Also, if your mother's "pain" (translation: depression) does not begin to abate, inform her doctor. She may need anti-depressant medication to help her through this difficult period. Ed Says: I hate this Dr. Philization of the world. She is your mother. Your pop has only been dead a few months. She works full time...how much of a burden could she possibly be putting on you? You should be there for your mom, not send her off to talk with strangers. Take your dime store psychology and shove it. She's your mom. Do you know a mom without a martyr complex? Perhaps you might get her some help in a little bit, but in the meantime, just be there for her. Geez. 6/23/03 DEAR ABBY: I recently graduated from college and received "congrats" and small gifts from well-wishers, all of which I responded to with written thank-you notes -- with one exception: my father. He still attempts to carry on a father/daughter relationship, regardless of my feelings. Even though I made a decision years ago to cut off all contact with him, he sent me a graduation card with a large check enclosed. Abby, throughout my childhood and teens, my father emotionally and physically abused my mother. After their divorce, he attempted to do the same to me. That's when I stopped communicating with him. Mom thinks I should keep the money. I could really use it, but I honestly don't think it's right to keep it without sending a note of thanks. It's the last thing I want to do. Please give me your opinion. No name or location -- sign me ... GRAD TORN OVER DAD Abby says: DEAR GRAD: Return the money. Your father is trying to buy his way back into your life. If you allow it, the price YOU will pay for maintaining a relationship with your abusive father won't be worth any amount of money. Ed says: DEAR GRAD: Keep your number and address unlisted. Cash the check, you deserve it for taking his shit for so long. Perhaps you can use some of the money to hire someone to kick his ass. Abby, morals are great when you got lots of money like you, but this poor girl is broke. Really, take the money and run. Its probably a moot point anyway, because at least 72% of abusers checks bounce. 5/20/03 DEAR ABBY: I have been involved with "Christopher" for three years. Our relationship started out as an affair. Chris was married with two small children and lived two doors down from me. He ended up leaving his wife and kids for me -- causing pain for everyone. After the divorce, Chris was ordered to pay child support, alimony and the family's mortgage. He stopped paying when his wife moved in a lover who was a neighbor from across the street. Soon after that she kicked him out and took up with a guy she met on the Internet. The two children were neglected and finally taken into state custody. (They have since been returned to her after a year-long court battle.) The state would never allow Christopher to take the kids because his ex brought to light his prison history and ongoing alcohol addiction. My problem is, after three years of this drama, I still feel I can't trust Chris -- that he always needs to be "baby-sat." He is not the world's most responsible guy. For instance, instead of going to work, he may end up in a bar -- and not even call to let me know. I'm always scared and worrying about what he's doing and where he is. On top of all this, Chris is facing more prison time. My head tells me he's not worth the trouble he's caused, but my heart won't let go of the hope he'll change. Maybe I should have walked away when he first cheated on his wife with me -- the first time he lied, the first time he left me in the middle of the night to go out and do who-knows-what. Should I wait until Chris goes to jail, then send him a Dear John letter and start over someplace else? Or should I get out now? If I threatened to leave him, he'd go nuts. Yet he feels OK about living a reckless and selfish life. Abby, who really has the problem here -- me or him? -- CONFUSED TO THE MAXIMUM IN MISSOURI Abby says: DEAR CONFUSED TO THE MAX: Interesting question. I'd say you both do. Your boyfriend can't toe the line, and you can't let go. From my perspective, Chris can offer you no future. However, if you think he will "go nuts" if you indicate that you're leaving, it would be better if you wait until the state takes him away from you. Ed says: First of all, what kind of neighborhood are you living in? You move in on the married man two doors down and then his ex goes across the street for loving? She then meets a guy from the net? Now, I am going to believe you, but this letter sounds like bullshit right off the bat. If you include a pool boy and a gratuitous scene, maybe you could send this to Penthouse Forum, frankly, redneck love does not excite me. Second, if this letter is true, why the hell have you stayed with this guy? Sounds like someone needs to take their self-esteem to Jiffy Lube, its been at least 5,000 miles. Causing pain for everyone? You included? You enabled him to leave his wife and kids and move two doors down! This guy does not sound like much of a prize, was his wife actually upset? If I am married to a jackass with a temper and I can get him out of the house and get a monthly check, lets see, hmmmmmm. Where is your sense of responsibility in the cheating? Hey Abby, I think Dr. Phil would say she needs to own that. Anyhow, your neighborhood is a freaking mess. I can see these little mullet wearing kids crying their eyes out because everyone in their lives is a sucka. First, I believe you should check yourself before you wreck yourself, then, realize that his ex played both of you, then move to another neighborhood and keep your dating to unmarried men outside your zip code. So, yes, dear, get rid of this chump pronto and get a life. 5/19/03 Dear Abby: My son is a junior in high school and dating Lynn, a senior. Theyve been going together nearly nine months. Lynn asked my son to go with her to the senior prom. How much of the cost should my son pay? He thinks he should pay for everything. SO CAL MOM Abby says: Your son shouldnt pay for everything. Even though he was invited, it would be appropriate for him to offer to pay half the cost. Ed says: I think your son should pick up the tab at the Airport Hilton near LAX, I hear they have decent rates, a hot tub, and a solid continental breakfast, thats it. She should pay for the prom because shes older, unless your son is not a bright bulb and hes older, in which case they should split it. Give your son a few condoms mind your own business. She is a senior and probably going to college, do you think she is going to stick with your son who will still be in high school? She is going to be dating a guy from Sigma Chi named Chip within a fortnight of arriving in Westwood or Isla Vista. He could use that money to start an IRA or go to Sacramento to engage on a fact finding trip to learn how the California government works. Do you know who your senators are madame?



		5/16/03 Dear Abby: My boyfriend recently gave me a beautiful engagement ring. It is custom designed. I like it, but I remember he mentioned hes had a ring designed for an old girlfriend but she had refused it. I think this is the same ring and that makes me uncomfortable. Should I ask him about it? NEEDS TO KNOW Abby says: Ask. And if the answer is yes, let him know that you would prefer another setting. An engagement ring is supposed to be a symbol of his love for you and you alone. Ed says: Quit your whining. You kind of look like his ex girlfriend, so should like the setting of this ring, thats logical right? These are tough economic times and your boyfriend just got laid off. If he does get it changed, then you should pay for it, you should pay for the whole ring anyway, well with the bullshit that he has to put up with. I am sure you use the fact that his ex dumped him in subtle little ways, torturing him and making him think that if he does not do things perfectly you are going to leave too. Just keep your mouth shut and appreciate the ring, you are lucky to get one.